This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
