I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
