Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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