Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
