don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
