I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
