i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
