Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
