Umm I'm too high to move.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
