margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
