I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
