shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
