So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
