I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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