508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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