Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize