I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
