It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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