its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize