I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize