Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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