Plan B is the new Plan A
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize