Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
