you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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