I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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