You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize