i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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