she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
