Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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