I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
