I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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