Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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