I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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