get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
