puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
