11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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