it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
