I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
