Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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