You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
