Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
