I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
