You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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