Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
