If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think your dad took our porno
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
