Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
