break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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