i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
