On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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