You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
