ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
