k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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