fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
