I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
