Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
