It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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