haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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