What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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