You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
