hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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