when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
