Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
