I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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