My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
