they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
