He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
