Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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