I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize