My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
