he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
