I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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