I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
