I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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