Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
