Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
