i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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