dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize