I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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