so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
