You're completely useless in the revolution.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
