had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
