I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
