A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
