Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize