just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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