haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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