so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize