Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sarcasm needs its own font
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
