my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
