Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
