if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
