Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
